A Possibly Accurate, Not Fact-Checked Guide to the World Cup: Group E

Every prediction contained in this preview is care of yours truly, somebody with an obsessive OCD-approach to World Cup qualifying who only watched non-US matches as five-minute highlights on double speed, muted, while listening to podcasts. They're probably still pretty good though, because I'm super smart and stuff.

Where are they from?: Brazil (Pot 1); Switzerland (Pot 2); Costa Rica (Pot 3); Serbia (Pot 4)

What to watch for?: Costa Rica's effort to follow up on their success at the 2014 World Cup, where they topped a group featuring two premier sides and also England, before ultimately bowing out in the quarterfinals on penalties. Costa Rica were comfortably second-best in CONCACAF qualifying, a label which is viewed with mockery in South America and Europe and yet is also usually good enough for a spot in the Round of 16.

Who to keep an eye on?: Brazil's Phillipe Coutinho. The Brazilians have an embarrassment of attacking options at their disposal, and it will be Coutinho who has the joy of picking out balls for the side's massive array of options as well as making dangerous runs in of his own.

Why do you hate those guys? (Switzerland): Past prejudice, mostly. Switzerland handed in an absolutely dour showing in the 2010 World Cup where they managed to defeat Spain, allowing only one goal all tournament and still go out in groups due to a total and utter unwillingness to do anything which resembled attacking. They scored more goals than any other 2nd-place team in European qualifying, and suffered the harsh fate of winning 27-of-30 points yet still not topping their group due to GD, and yet I still see their name on a fixture list and think "well, this is going to suck."

100% Accurate Match Predictions

Costa Rica vs. Serbia: FEAR THE MIGHTY WARRIORS OF CONCACAF. THE POOR EUROPEAN SCUM ARE OF NO MATCH FOR THE MIGHT OF NORTH AMERICA AS COSTA RICA CLAIMS A 2-0 DOMINATION! 

Brazil vs. Switzerland: Playing very much like the team they are as opposed to the team I can't help thinking they are, Switzerland don't entirely shell up against the Selecao. They probably should as the Brazilians run all over them, while only conceding a conciliatory goal late for a 3-1 victory.

Brazil vs. Costa Rica: ALL TREMBLE BEFORE CONCACAF'S FURY. AND THEN SCORE TWO GOALS TO THE MIGHTY CONCACAF SIDE'S ONE WHICH SEEMS JUST LIKE SUPER RUDE IF WE'RE BEING HONEST HERE.

Serbia vs. Switzerland: Continuing to buck what I expect of them, Switzerland field forward players and everything and score to take a 1-0 lead into halftime. The sides trade goals in the second half, but the Swiss manage to maintain their lead until the final whistle to set up a winner-take-all showdown with the Ticos on the last day of group play.

Serbia vs. Brazil | Switzerland vs. Costa Rica: The Brazilians continue their carefree run through Group E with a comfortable 3-0 brushing away of the Serbs, but all the action is in the other match where all is to play for. THE TWO SIDES COMBINE TO CREATE A SPECTACULAR DUD IN THIS MEANINGFUL MATCH, PROVING MY RESERVATIONS WITH THE ALPS ASSHOLES JUSTIFIED AND SENDING THEM OUT ON GOAL DIFFERENCE FOLLOWING THE 0-0 SNOOZEFEST.

Check back every day to save yourself the hassle of having to watch the damned thing. For yesterday's post on Group D, click here. Learn about how great Germany are in Group F here.