Where are they from?: Portugal (Pot 1); Spain (Pot 2); Iran (Pot 3); Morocco (Pot 4)
What to watch for?: Can one of the underdogs pull off the upset and get out of the group at the expense of the Iberians. If so, it will probably be Portugal who stumbles. While Spain is no longer holder of either of the sport's two major trophies, they remain not-far removed from a run of Euro-World Cup-Euro success. Portugal, conversely, are generally a solid bet for a calamitous group showing. Even in winning their first major trophy at Euro 2016, Portugal were beneficiaries of the worst thing in sports (a Pool Play phase which features a non-magnitude-of-two number of teams) which saw them not just stay alive despite a winless third place finish, but also get plopped into the top half of a bracket where all five nations remaining who had won a World Cup or Euro previously were grouped together in the bottom half to beat on each other.
Who to keep an eye on?: Cristiano Ronaldo, but not for his skill. Look, Ronaldo is still pretty incredible and capable of turning a game on its head, but the real fun comes in watching Ronaldo when things go poorly. The Portuguese side is a step down from his club teammates at Real Madrid, which can lead to some truly delicious pouting by poor Cristiano, indignant he has to share the field with such commoners. Never forget Nani's service to mankind:
Oh, yes. That's the good stuff.
Why do you hate those guys? (Spain): It would be easy to put Portugal here (I mean, seriously, look at that guy!) but I think that's pretty well covered, which leaves Spain. They have Nacho Monreal in their squad, which is great because he is lovely, but so many of the recent Spanish greats have been Madridistas and Barca players, and I have a deep loathing for the way the powers that be in Spain seem to look out for both clubs and ensure that any competition from the smaller sides is impeded as much as possible. By association, fuck their national team.
100% Accurate Match Predictions
Morocco 1:0 Iran: Opening match is usually the worst time for fans to see a group's lower teams paired off, as with no imminent do-or-die pressure that can mean both are much more afraid of a de-facto death stroke of a loss than they are eager for a win. A scoreless bore is certainly on the table but Morocco manage to scrape one over the line and take the points.
Portugal 0:4 Spain: You might think avoiding the two weak sides in their lazy opener is a break for Portugal, but last World Cup presented a similar opportunity to get their blahs out on the power then wake up for the weaker sides and all it got them was absolutely dunked on by the Germans. You might say that expecting the exact same result is lazy prognosticating, but this preview is provided free of charge and with no compensation so you can stuff it.
Portugal 1:2 Morocco: Much like in the above prediction I'm backing a result much like 2014, with Portugal scoring early, thinking their history of woe has been effectively staved off, then shitting the bed in the second half. This time the equalizing goal fails to materialize, and their Cup run is effectively ended pending the inevitable Spanish win.
Iran 1:0 Spain: Whaaaaat? Because footie can be a dumb and amazing sport sometimes, the Iranians come out of their shell to counter for a shocking goal. The Spaniards spend the entire match bossing possession and battering at the door, but run into a blinder of a goalkeeping performance and several fine saves by the goal to keep their qualification in jeopardy.
Iran 0:2 Portugal | Spain 3:0 Morocco: Nah, just playing. Spain roll out as comfortable winners against Morocco to top the group, while Portugal finally gets the job done against Iran. It's not enough as the round two loss to Morocco proves fatal.
Check back every day for more World Cup predictions which are totally nails. For yesterday's post on Group A, click here. Continue on to Group C here.
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