A Possibly Accurate, Not Fact-Checked Guide to the World Cup: Group C

Every prediction contained in this preview is care of yours truly, somebody with an obsessive OCD-approach to World Cup qualifying who only watched non-US matches as five-minute highlights on double speed, muted, while listening to podcasts. They're probably still pretty good though, because I'm super smart and stuff.

Where are they from?: France (Pot 1); Peru (Pot 2); Denmark (Pot 3); Australia (Pot 4)

What to watch for?: If the French are for real, mostly. On paper they are capable of giving any team trouble and are fresh off a heartbreaking extra-time loss in the the Euro 2016 final. On the pitch, a complete and utter dumpster fire in group play is never off the table, either. This group is Charmin soft, so they would have to screw it up to a spectacular degree to not come out the other side, even if they are off their game, but that was true in 2010 also when they finished last in their group including a loss to a very poor South African side only in the tournament because they were hosting it. France football!

Who to keep an eye on?: My sweet, sweet Olivier. I miss you so.

I am still not over Arsenal allowing the criminally-underrated Frenchman to leave, and sure would have loved to have him in Europe when we were stuck starting Danny Welbeck up top. Giroud's deceptively technical around the box, preferring lovely little dinks and backheels to overlapping players, which could go spectacularly with some of the pacy options France have, were they not so intent on wasting him on the bench like Arsenal did in the end of his run at the Emirates.

Why do you hate those guys? (Pass): I honestly can't find much to dislike about this group. France are the only true power, and no self-respecting Arsenal fan can wish too much sadness on Les Bleus. Any meaningful run by the other three would automatically get guaranteed plucky underdog feel-good points. Just root for fun matches.

100% Accurate Match Predictions

Peru 0:0 Denmark: The only way this group won't produce something fun is if any goodwill for whatever non-power grabs a knockout round spot is squeezed out of existence by truly tepid play by all three. So that's what will happen, because sports are terrible.

France 1:0 Australia: After struggling to break through against an Australia side happy to play compact and deep, knocking away crosses 'til they're red in the face, France brings on Plan B in the form of Giroud's meaty French forehead. He gets on the end of a cross in the 80th minute to spare France embarrassment.

France 2:0 Peru: As a reward he gets to watch from the bench as France, free of their nerves, dispatch Peru in a safe, if bland, match.

Denmark 2:1 Australia: Denmark aren't a true threat to any of the big dogs, but they do still have a legitimate monster in the form of Christian Eriksen. He makes one goal for the Danes, while finishing off another, and it's enough to cancel out Australia's lone tally and leave the Danes in pole position for second place.

Denmark 1:1 France | Peru 0:0 Australia: Eriksen and Antoine Griezmann trade moments of spectacularly cool play to yield a draw. Peru and Australia trade the exact opposite for the same.

Check back every day for more World Cup predictions if you want to know exactly what is gonna happen. For yesterday's post on Group B, click here. Continue on to Group D here.